Category: Booze

Selfish Drunken Idiots Drain NHS Coffers

October 29, 2014 | By | Add a Comment

Yoda, "Pissed me off you have"


The Nurse might be a complete c**t. She’s happy to admit she isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But while she likes a G&T as much as the next woman, at least she isn’t a selfish drunken bastard.

£21 billion in UK tax payers’ money spent sorting out drunk people

If you were knocked for six by the £21 billion annual price tag put on booze-related issues in Britain, you weren’t the only one. The Nurse was shocked rigid.

Not so long ago a family took their child abroad because the treatment they needed for their cancer-suffering child was too expensive, not readily available over here. Now it turns out Britain’s precious NHS is being forced to shell out billions in taxpayers money to sort out the drunk and disorderly. The fuckers.

New and innovative treatments, some for cancer, are regularly rejected by NICE, often because of the expense. Is it really OK for us to spend billions drying out thousands of drunken assholes every year? Why do so many Brits think it’s socially acceptable to get so fucking stotious they need an ambulance? Probably because, right now, it is socially acceptable. Good grief.

Vandalism, noise, fighting…

Then there’s all the property damage, noise, vandalism, breakages, smashings up and beatings up, lost working hours and damage to the economy. Oh, it makes her so mad she could spit. In fact she just did.

The Nurse, for one, would love to be able to specify what her tax money was spent on. If she could, she’d make damn sure her contribution to the nation’s health, wealth and happiness would not be squandered patching up the slaughtered, the off their tits, the trousered, the vomitous, the out of their trees, the trollied, the fighters and the variously passed out.

She’d leave the silly shits where they fell to sober up on the pavement, which is no more than they deserve. And she’d force them to pay for their own medical treatment instead of draining the NHS’ coffers.

There’s nothing quite as boring as a drunk

Apart from anything else, there’s nothing quite as boring and embarrassing as a drunk. All that mithering on, repeating yourself, forgetting the story you were half way through, beer goggles, puffery, bullshit and staggering around. Revolting.

If The Nurse was in charge she’d ban regular offenders from buying alcohol. Or just hurl them into the stocks and let townspeople pelt them with dog poo and over-ripe veg. That’d be immensely satisfying.

Get pissed in Hove… if you dare

Ooh… the glimmerings of an idea. The Nurse is inspired. The thing is, pissed people are so vulnerable. Vulnerable enough, in fact, to be kidnapped, dragged to The Nurse and Bettys’ place… and used for trepanning practice.

There’s plenty more room in the garden to bury the buggers if it goes wrong, and if it goes right there’s no way they’ll remember a thing about it. Ha. The Nurse and Betty are getting quite excited at the prospect.

If you, perchance, fancy getting absolutely steamed in Hove, it behooves you to be jolly damned careful. You might end up their next victim. Not that it would necessarily stop you engaging in your signature uber-tedious drunken behaviour, but it’s worth a go. At least she has given you fair warning.


(A cordial The Nurse-style thank you, complete with pointy-toothed grin, to Photobucket, for the image)

The Difference Between White and Red Wine Glasses

June 23, 2008 | By | 14 Comments

Red Wine Glasses tend to have larger bowls than their white wine counterpartsMany people are completely unaware that there are significant design differences between glasses intended for Red Wines and glasses intended for White Wines. After having just glugged a bottle and a half of a particularly tasty Bordeaux I thought I’d explain why the glass chosen for your wine is important:

White wine glasses tend to have smaller bowls than red wine glasses. This is because white wine tends to be served chilled, whereas red is best served closer to room temperature. The smaller size of the white wine glass bowl will reduce the heating effect that the drinkers hand has upon the wine, helping it to stay cooler for longer.

Red wine glasses have characteristically wider bowls intended to encourage the wine to breath. Bordeaux glasses tend to be tall with a wide bowl that is excellent for full bodied wines like Merlot or Cabernet. Burgundy glasses will have a larger bowl. This doesn’t mean that they are intended to hold more wine (although they are particularly good for this). The larger bowl is intended to hold the aromas that are released by the wine into the glass. A large part of the taste and enjoyment of wine is actually experienced by olfaction. In other words, the smell gets up your nose.

So now you know a little about why there are glasses which are specifically intended for white wines and glasses which are specifically designed and suited for reds. Time to crack open a bottle or three and put the theory to the test…

The Power of Peer Pressure

February 26, 2008 | By

Peer pressure is an enormously powerful influence that most young people need to contend with. It is responsible for many young people mindlessly going along with the crowd and not thinking for themselves leading them to start smoking, drinking, experimenting with drugs and sex and more.Booze and peer pressure are the root cause of many accidents

Recently, here in Sussex, there have been a few high profile reports of tragic incidents in which youngsters, infuenced by peer pressure (combined with booze), have drunkenly bundled into a car only to end up in a nasty accident with people hurt or even killed. The combination of peer pressure and strong drink can lead even the most well behaved and timid teenagers to make rash and potentially fatal decisions.

A few weeks ago a friend and colleague took a short holiday, leaving the family home to be looked after by his son and daughter aged 16 and 15. Both children had always been trustworthy, reliable youngsters who didn’t show any interest in hanging out with the kids drinking alcopops in the local park. They were both subject to the same peer pressures as any other kids their age, leading them to make some questionable but harmless fashion choices, but they weren’t what could be called ‘troublemakers’.

Some of the sons friends apparently suggested that they might have a party on the Saturday night and the boy, feeling pressurised, agreed. By the time Saturday came round word had spread and the mini party for a few close friends had escalated into a full blown teenage rave. There was nothing the son could do but go with the flow and try to keep things under control as groups of youths clutching bottles of super-strength cider, spirits and wine started to turn up at the house.

At around midnight the neighbours came round to get the noise turned down but their visit was met with a tirade of abuse from a bunch of apparently drunken youths. It was shortly after this visit that one particular young man suggested that they should ‘go for a ride’. Apparently he was hell bent on stealing a car to go joy-riding around the estate. When somebody pointed out the car keys to my colleagues van, which was parked in the drive, the youth exclaimed that he didn’t need to ‘nick a motor’ after all.

My colleague’s son tried to dissuade the lad from taking his dad’s van but the drunken boy, full of booze and bravado, wasn’t listening to reason. By this stage the bullying lad had recruited a band of partners in crime and was hell bent on taking the van out for a spin. Anyone who was refusing to go with him was mercilessly ridiculed and pressurised with name calling and threats from his gang of cohorts. So a band of about 6 youths (girls and boys) piled into my collegues van, the engine was noisily revved up and they took off across the estate. There was nothing that my colleagues son could do to stop them. His sister, by this stage, had consumed too many blue alcopops and was lying almost unconscious on the bathroom floor.

Inevitably it all ended in tears but, luckily, nobody was badly hurt. The band of drunken van thieves tore around the estate roads for about 15 minutes before the alcohol soaked driver lost control on a bend, smashing the car into several parked vehicles before piling into a gatepost, writing off the nearly new Citroen Berlingo van.

Obviously the police were called, statements were taken, parents had to retrieve their kids from the police station and recriminations started to fly around. My friends Berlingo van, which he’d recently proudly obtained on van lease, was completely written off and several of the neighbours’ cars had were badly damaged, along with a number of neighbourly relationships.

How easily this story could have ended with people in hospital or even dead. How could this situation have been avoided? What could the son and daughter have done to prevent the situation from escalating to the degree that it did? There is strength in numbers so if a group of potentially threatening young people turn up hell bent on a boozy party what could my colleagues children have done to turn them away? They didn’t want to be humiliated and seen as kill joys by their peers.

Incidents like this one are occurring all too frequently up and down the country. Peer pressure is often responsible for death, injury and tragedy but what can young people do to avoid these pressurised situations and where can they turn when backed into a corner by aggressive, troublemaking peers?

The Booze Gene

December 12, 2007 | By

Palm Fruits like these are what our ancient ancestors used to get drunkA friend just sent me this link to an interesting post on the subject of ‘The British Disease’, binge drinking. Booze, Brits and Binge Drinking. The fact is that this particular ailment is not exclusive to the British, many nations have the same illness, including North America. So why do people want to drink so much?

What is it that makes many people look forward to Friday or Saturday night when they will go out and drink so much that they can no longer stand properly or talk or even think clearly? Is it a desire to escape from whatever daily toil they are involved in, or escape from unhappy relationships? Not every stumbling, slurring drunk has a crap relationship and stress at work. Reasons of this type are manifold but are they the real drivers behind peoples desire to get ‘out of it’. I don’t think so.

Ethanol occurs naturally in ripe and over ripe fruit. The pulp of ripe palm fruits contains ethanol at concentrations of around 0.6 to 0.9% and this rises to around 4.5% as the fruit becomes over ripe. Many mammals, including early humans, will have experienced the mild effects of ethanol ingestion through consuming such fruit. Is the drive towards alcohol consumption that many people experience (myself included) part of our genetic programming rooted in our ancient ancestors having gotten tipsy on rotting fruit? Where’s the corkscrew?