Category: Nutters

The dinosaur death pose experiment – Foul!

November 28, 2011 | By | Add a Comment

The Nurse adores scientists. They’re so creative.

This week’s science news includes an experiment to find out why so many dinosaur fossils display the same strange, curved death pose.

First the scientists ‘placed plucked chickens on a bed of sand for three months to see if dessication would lead to muscle contractions‘.

Apparently the chickens decayed without contorting. So the scientists tried placing seven dead chickens in cool, fresh water instead to see what happened. Almost immediately the birds’ necks and backs arched and they took on the odd position typical of so many dinosaur fossils.

Ergo, many dinosaurs died in cool, fresh water, which is what gives so many fossils their agonised-looking shape.

Crikey, The Nurse can imagine how foul (pun intended) the stench was. Really bad. Respect to gangsta scientists. Make pongs, not war.

Say No to Knobs on Bikes

May 26, 2010 | By | 3 Comments

It’s been a while since I last posted here on the ABS blog, partly due to site hosting issues, but mainly due to downright laziness. But I’m back; motivated to write this post by our most recent club meeting at which one of my colleagues made a most disagreeable suggestion.

It was proposed that members of the illustrious and highly exclusive Sussex Amateur Brain Surgery club should take part in the forthcoming Brighton naked bike ride. I was appalled at the very suggestion. On June 13th over 1000 cyclists will ride through the city with body parts flapping in the breeze, ostensibly to raise awareness of the vulnerability of cyclists. My fellow club member’s reasoning was that since many of us are riders of bikes we would want to support this worthy effort.

Not me! And my views were shared by all of my fellow club members, except two. The chap who made the proposal and another who spends a lot of time on Brighton’s nudist beach. They will be taking part, exposing themselves to the elements and the shoppers in Brighton’s busy city centre.

Now I don’t consider myself a prude. But I first unwittingly encountered the naked bike ride when I was in the city shopping for some car accessories during the 2008 event. I recall spotting a young lady cycling topless and wondered if she might be drunk. Then I noticed a group of naked elderly gentlemen on bicycles behind her and I realised there was something going on.

I spent some time wondering what it was that I found so disagreeable about the event. While I’ve heard it described as sleazy, immoral and indecent I don’t actually agree with any of these. I just find it unpleasant to behold. I think it’s absolutely fine for people who enjoy being naked, outdoors in the company of others to indulge their whims, but I think that imposing their naked bodies on people who don’t want to see them is simply unacceptable.

So, this year I have set a reminder to tell me not to visit the city on the 13th of June. The last thing I want to see is a couple of my colleagues from the  Amateur Brain Surgery club exposing their purple mushrooms while riding bicycles.

Stafford Hospital Scandal – Blame the Staff!

February 24, 2010 | By | 6 Comments

evil nurse

The Nurse, not usually shockable, is shocked speechless by today’s revelations about the goings on at Stafford hospital.

Everyone’s busy blaming the Government, the healthcare Trust, the NHS’s regulatory bodies, bureaucracy, budgets… but nobody has mentioned the role hospital staff played. 

Did the Government neglect, bully and starve all those poor, poor people? Nope. The nurses and hospital staff did. And the ones that didn’t join in stuck their fingers in their cowardly ears and pretended nothing was happening.  

Was it the NHS regulators’ job to keep the wards clean and free from dried blood, needles and disgusting medical waste? Nope, it was the cleaners’ job, and they obviously fucked it up beyond all redemption.  

The Nurse places almost all the blame squarely with Stafford hospital employees. They must be a rotten, cruel, thoughtless, mean, evil, nasty, lazy, shiftless lot of arseholes. 

Let’s hope they’ve all been sacked. Although it’s hard to tell… everyone’s so busy blaming Gordon Brown that Stafford’s nurses and support staff seem to have got away with it scott free. Without so much as a telling off. The bastards. 

Perhaps the NHS should pay more and attract better people. Or just stop employing sociopaths.

The Nurse thought she was a nasty piece of work but this lot make her look like Florence bloody Nightingale…

Nick Griffin and the BNP Deserve the Oxygen of Publicity

October 23, 2009 | By | 1 Comment


The Nurse thinks it is a good idea to give Nick Griffin and his spiritually bereft BNP henchmen the oxygen of publicity at every opportunity.

Why? Because every time the man opens his nasty mouth he makes himself look even more of a wanker.  

We can’t go round banning schools of thought, theories, attitudes or political parties. That makes us just as fascist as Nick Griffin and co. If not more so. Move in that direction and we’ll be burning books before you know it… if you were outside the BBC protesting last night, stick that up your silly politically correct arse and swivel on it.   

Having heard clips of Nick Griffin’s contribution to Question Time this morning on Radio 4, The Nurse is celebrating (any excuse). As she’d expected Griffin appears to have shot himself in the foot quite spectacularly, a number of times. Wonderful stuff. Keep it up, Nick.

If we prevent the likes of the BNP from expressing themselves openly and legally they’ll only go underground. Then they’d benefit significantly from the mystery and dubious glamour than underground stuff tends to engender, especially in the rebellious, young and stupid.   

On the other hand give them enough rope, let them loose on the media and the arseholes’ll soon hang themselves all on their own. 

The BNP’s arguments don’t stand up to intelligent scrutiny. Hate and intolerance shine through like a beacon whenever they’re given the opportunity to expound their ugly theories. 

Last night Griffin exposed himself as an ignorant, cruel buffoon. When Questions Time airs, millions of people will be able to see and hear him make a complete arse of himself and his party.  Brilliant job. Well done BBC.