Amateur Brain Surgery

Those bastard screws found The Nurse’s laptop. Is nothing sacred in prison? Sadly The Nurse’s personal areas are obviously not particularly sacred. But on the other hand her lady garden is deep. And she’s a  stalwart type. Hidden where the sun never shines, they didn’t find her binoculars. 

So, stuck in solitary confinement since January with no internet access, The Nurse has been restricted to spying through a tiny hole drilled in her cell wall. From there she has watched the prison’s staff and visitors driving to and fro across the moors. And she’s been sickened by their behind-the-wheel mobile phone antics.

The Nurse thought using mobiles in cars was against the law unless they’re hands-free. But nobody seems to give a flying fuck. On average 30% of the drivers she watches from her cell are glued to their mobile phones while on the move at one time or another. The arseholes.

Drivers are quite obviously incapable of leaving their mobile phones alone. Pointing out the dangers doesn’t seem to help. The law isn’t helping much either. So the only thing left is to make sure using phones in cars is impossible.

The Nurse proposes fitting every car, old and new, with a mandatory signal blocker to stop this dickheadery in its tracks before total carnage ensues.  

The phrase ’ in-car entertainment’ must be one of the most disgusting oxymorons coined in recent years. When you’re in a car you should be concentrating on driving. And only driving. Is any conversation important enough to die for, or kill other people for? Why don’t all you lazy, selfish twats turn your phones off  when you’re in your cars? 

Surely you lot can manage to function as human beings without being entertained every single minute? But then again, perhaps not. The loony brigade is currently busy inventing an in-car personal computer with internet access.

Holy shit.   

The nurse is sometimes relieved to be safely incarcerated in jail. This is one of those times. Sod driving. Sod being a passenger too – it’s equally dangerous. At least in prison she’s safe from all you murderous mobile-using wankers.