Category: Students

Student dickheads – Shut up and pay!

December 10, 2010 | By | Add a Comment

So there’s been rioting overnight in London. In which poor old Charles and Camillla were unwittingly caught up. Dickhead students. The Nurse has nothing but contempt for them.  

What are they protesting about? OK, they’ll have to pay more for their education. But the point is, they won’t be asked to pay anything back until they hit £21k income, after they’ve left college. And even then they’ll only have to shell out somewhere between £30 and £50 a month in repayments. Which is hardly a king’s ransom. 

After tax £21k reduces to about £16,000 gross. That’s more than £1,300 income a month after tax. If you can’t manage to pay back a small monthly amount out of that, you’re just a hopeless arse.  

If you feel £30 a month is too much to pay for an excellent education, The Nurse thinks you’re a pretty shabby specimen. Everyone else in the country has to accept cuts and  shoulder extra expenses as the deficit bites. Students are no different. So get a grip and shut the fuck up, you silly selfish bastards.

Gap Year Travel Disasters to Avoid

September 2, 2009 | By | 15 Comments

gap_year_travellersIt’s been reported that 2009 is a record year for students choosing to take a gap year before going to University or attempting to find a job. Perhaps motivated by the current recession and rising unemployment, many are planning to travel the globe before taking up their places at college.

Every academic year I meet fresh students who’ve just returned from their travels mainly to the various traditional traveller favourites like Thailand, India and Nepal. There has been a developing trend for out-of-the-way or inhospitable destinations and, increasingly, I’m hearing many tales of travel disasters.

The most common problem that many innocent young students run into is theft. From pickpockets in busy airports and train stations to day-time muggings by lady-boys in Bangkok, this is a problem that’s clearly on the increase.

And another really common issue that, for some, can be very serious indeed, is illness. Many students don’t follow recommended hygiene precautions and they can often become ill with stomach upsets. Last year I met two new students who’d both had dysentery, a couple who had both picked up stomach parasites and one young man who’d contracted Typhoid in Mexico.

Students and young people in general love to party and partying means getting off their heads. This has led to many problems. A couple of years ago I met a young man who’d been drinking a locally brewed hooch with friendly locals at a coastal town in Guatemala. He passed-out and when he came to he realised that he was on board a Norwegian merchant ship bound for New Orleans. He had to ask the captain to radio for a boat to come and take him back to port.

A pair of students I had in my class a few years back ran into problems in the Dominican Republic. They’d spent an afternoon drinking in a hotel bar, making friends with a few locals. One of their new buddies said that he could score some marijuana and asked if they wanted some. They thought, we’re in the Caribbean so why not, and handed over just $20. The young man disappeared for no more than 10 minutes and returned with a large parcel of weed wrapped in newspaper. As soon as he handed it over to the students their table was surrounded by about six plain-clothes policemen, all with their guns drawn, yelling instructions in Spanish.

The two students were taken to the local police station where they were both strip searched in a room full of strangers. They suspected that their weed supplier was working with the police and their suspicions were confirmed when the head policeman told them that they could either pay an immediate fine or go to prison. They opted to pay the extortionate bribe, with help from their folks back home, and got straight on a plane back to the UK.

Gap year travelling is a great experience for most students but there are always dangers. Learning to recognise and avoid these is all part of the experience.

Poor Urban Planning Makes Children Fat

November 15, 2007 | By

I have just been reading around a few blogs, forums and university studies on the subject of the much reported obesity epidemic. I was particularly struck by this post: Outdoor Play Facilities Urgently Needed and the warnings presented by Professor Dick Jackson that poor urban planning is a root cause of todays problems. And they are going to get worse!

I was prompted to carry out a small, unscientific survey of my students in class this afternoon. Of the 12 students who actually turned up today only 5 were actually brought up in the U.K. I asked them all if they had grown up with adequate outdoor play facilities and what they thought were the causes of today’s obesity problems. Their responses were as follows:

  • All of them stated that they had seen council run parks and play areas become run down and underused
  • They all indicated that they would love make use of facilities if they were readily accessible
  • They pretty much agreed that urban planning did make a significant difference to the amount of exercise and outdoor play that they experienced as children
  • There was agreement that other technological and social factors are also contributing towards the currently expanding waist lines of our younger generation.

When asked ‘What would have encouraged you to play outdoors more’ they all said that safe, available space was the biggest and most significant factor. Several had grown up in flats with no gardens to themselves. They were reliant upon communal outdoor space and if their parents (or single parent) were anxious about them ‘playing out’ they would be kept indoors.

Providing an environment in which young people can grow, learn, interact and develop lifelong healthy habits is a responsibility that the older, decision-making, urban planning generation need to take very seriously.

Why I Hate Students

October 13, 2007 | By

I work at the same esteemed educational establishment as the Chief Surgeon. However I, unlike him, am not a member of the teaching staff. I am what is referred to as a ‘Lab Tech’. I work in the biochemistry department where I am required to somehow keep the equipment working after the halfwit students have vandalised it. That’s enough background for you to understand the following reasons why I hate students..Students in the Biochemistry Lab

They think they are smarter than other people. Just because they managed to scrape together a couple of lousy A levels they immediately become superior, elitist arseholes.

They are always moaning about having no money. I’ve witnessed what appear to be competitions between students who have purposely built up enormous debt during their 3 years of ‘higher’ education. Too lazy to hold on to any form of part time work they would rather borrow more and more money to pay for their crap clothes, crap cars and crap lifestyles.

They wear hideous clothes. A current trend is for overweight, hefty lads to dress in clothes that are clearly too small for them. Jeans that are halfway down their arses showing their unpleasantly hairy love handles. Here’s a little fashion tip: Skin-tight clothes only look good on skinny people. Not the overweight, spoiled, podgy half-wits who currently appear to make up the bulk of the student population, male and female. I shan’t even begin to describe some of the munter females and their current fashion trends which appear to make a feature of a girls worst attributes.

They drive crap cars. The fact that students these days drive cars at all is just wrong. Students should be using public transport. Once upon a time, not so many years ago, car ownership was recognised as a luxury. Now these spoiled middle class mummies boys and girls think that it is some kind of human right that they should be able to drive some clapped out gas-guzzling pollution-mobile.

They make diabolical neighbours. If you have ever lived anywhere near a student hall of residence or a house that is let to students then you will know how inconsiderate they can be. Not having to be in for a lecture until 11:00 a.m., if at all, means that many dim-shit students think nothing of staying up all night playing music and smoking dope throughout the week, with no consideration for their hard-working neighbours.

They drink too much. Each year at this time I have to listen to the same groans and moans from students who have managed to drag themselves out of bed after a heavy night on the lash in order to attend just one lecture in the afternoon. If I hear another posh twat say “I was just sooooooooo pissed last night…. ” I think I’ll stab them in the face!

They think they are ‘green’. I routinely have to go round the lab, where I work, after the students have left, clearing plastic sandwich wrappers, cans, bottles and carrier bags from the benches. Some of the laziest and scuzziest students, I’ve observed, tend to be female, they like to wear a range of ‘natural’ textiles, have a hippy style shoulder bag that may have a few ‘green’ related badges pinned to it and often appear to need a shave and a good wash. That’s not to say there aren’t any male equivalents. There are plenty.

They don’t pay attention even when they do turn up. Many students appear to attend lectures in order to get a tick in the register and not to actually learn anything about the topics that are being covered. They would rather be telling their mates about how pissed they managed to get the night before.

They are so incredibly boring. I’ve been around these bloated half-wits for many years now and I can confirm that student conversations make the house-mates on big brother look like intellectuals.

So these are just some of the reasons why I hate students. These are my own personal views and not those of my fellow Amateur Brain Surgery club members (I was told to say that…)

Luckily my student days were at a time when Bamber Gascoigne presented University Challenge and nearly all female students were actually attractive and shagable. Unlike the modern-day overweight munters who make up the female student population. No wonder there is so much boozing, you’d need to be well-bladdered in order to shag any of them…