Fully aware of the risk of having a fatwa raised against her, The Nurse has spent the morning wrenching back common sense from the hands of the nutters. Mainly by re-naming things.
The prison cat, previously named Little Baby Jesus by the inmates, has been re-named Mohammed. Each inmate has signed an agreement to change their christian name to Mohammed (causing some confusion, soon remedied with a cunning alpha numeric sub-classification system). The screws (wardens, to foreign visitors unfamiliar with Her Majesty’s slang) are all wearing new name badges: ‘Burly’ Brian Mohammed, Ted Mohammed, Shirl Mohammed and Mr Jones Mohammed. Last but not least Mohammed Mohammed, the prison’s IT Manager, has changed his first and surnames, by deed poll, to ‘Christ’. He’s Moslem.
None of which will make a blind bit of difference to the silliness going on abroad. But it makes The Nurse (AKA The Blessed Virgin Mary) feel marginally better. Almost as though she’s regained some good, old fashioned freedom of speech for the world. A feeble last gasp of rebellion in favour of a far-off Utopia where she could’ve called her teddy bear ‘Hitler’ without anyone being particularly bothered. A place where you weren’t hung, drawn and quartered for naming your school hamster ’Jehova’. A place where The Nurse could run, wild and free, with the metaphorical wind of eloquence running unrestricted through her hair…
The latest news on the ITV phone-in fraud scandal is that the serious fraud squad are looking into it. In an interview this week Sir Michael Grade described these issues as “a serious cultural failure” and pointed out that the report, produced by the city firm Deloitte, did not indicate that fraud had taken place.
What absolute bollocks. People have been misled, significant money has been made, fraud has taken place and those responsible for making the decisions and then carrying them out should be prosecuted. Plain and simple.
ITV have clearly employed con-men who would do well presenting ‘The Real Hustle’. £7.8 million is no small piece of change. I have acquaintances who are currently residing at her majesties pleasure for having tricked members of the public out of nothing more than a few thousand pounds. If you had heard the way that the judge summed up their case you’d think that they had been eating babies!
Charles Allen was chief executive at ITV when people were tricked into phoning in using premium rate phone lines, when their calls and votes were knowingly ignored. He and everyone beneath him who had any knowledge of what was taking place should be jailed and fined! And that includes Ant and Dec, the two half-wits who preside over Ant and Decs Saturday Night which presented a rigged competition.
Imagine the outcry if it was discovered that the rugby final had been rigged (bad luck England) or if the F.A. cup final was found to have been rigged. The public have been purposely duped into parting with their cash while the programme makers were fully aware that their call and votes were not to be considered in the final competition results. They should all be severely punished. If they are not it sends a message to the British public that they are nothing more than a source of revenue for the criminal programme makers.