Amateur Brain Surgery

I’ve recently developed an embarrassing condition that I’ve decided to share with anyone who can be bothered to read this nonsense.

I first began to notice dampness in my trousers some weeks ago, on a night out with fellow members of the ABS, but I put it down to spillage and too much cider inside me (memories of that night are a little hazy). But then I began to notice the same unpleasant dampness in my underwear when I was at work and became a little concerned.

I don’t yet consider myself to be an old man (I’m in my thirties) so the apparent early onset of incontinence was bound to cause me some concern. But I noticed that the problem only occurred when I whistled, which I often do. When I was whistling a happy tune a small amount of wee would escape from my bladder and dampen the front of my trousers. Not good.

I deduced that there were two key factors contributing to this unwanted leakage. The first being a full bladder and the second being my whistling. And I whistle a lot. I whistle while walking down the road, driving in my car and often when I’m on my way to the men’s room with a full bladder and that is really when the problem becomes apparent.

So I popped along to see my doctor and his advice was simply ‘Don’t whistle’. Not really very helpful. But he did give me a thorough medical check, including my prostate, which I’m happy to report is apparently healthy and the correct size. His conclusion was that it may be due to the fact that I have gained around 28 pounds in weight since giving up my morning runs and he thinks that my weight gain may be at the root of my incontinence.

So I’m now on a strict diet and trying to get a bit more exercise and I’ve almost stopped whistling, except when I know that my bladder is completely empty.