Why I Hate Students
I work at the same esteemed educational establishment as the Chief Surgeon. However I, unlike him, am not a member of the teaching staff. I am what is referred to as a ‘Lab Tech’. I work in the biochemistry department where I am required to somehow keep the equipment working after the halfwit students have vandalised it. That’s enough background for you to understand the following reasons why I hate students..
They think they are smarter than other people. Just because they managed to scrape together a couple of lousy A levels they immediately become superior, elitist arseholes.
They are always moaning about having no money. I’ve witnessed what appear to be competitions between students who have purposely built up enormous debt during their 3 years of ‘higher’ education. Too lazy to hold on to any form of part time work they would rather borrow more and more money to pay for their crap clothes, crap cars and crap lifestyles.
They wear hideous clothes. A current trend is for overweight, hefty lads to dress in clothes that are clearly too small for them. Jeans that are halfway down their arses showing their unpleasantly hairy love handles. Here’s a little fashion tip: Skin-tight clothes only look good on skinny people. Not the overweight, spoiled, podgy half-wits who currently appear to make up the bulk of the student population, male and female. I shan’t even begin to describe some of the munter females and their current fashion trends which appear to make a feature of a girls worst attributes.
They drive crap cars. The fact that students these days drive cars at all is just wrong. Students should be using public transport. Once upon a time, not so many years ago, car ownership was recognised as a luxury. Now these spoiled middle class mummies boys and girls think that it is some kind of human right that they should be able to drive some clapped out gas-guzzling pollution-mobile.
They make diabolical neighbours. If you have ever lived anywhere near a student hall of residence or a house that is let to students then you will know how inconsiderate they can be. Not having to be in for a lecture until 11:00 a.m., if at all, means that many dim-shit students think nothing of staying up all night playing music and smoking dope throughout the week, with no consideration for their hard-working neighbours.
They drink too much. Each year at this time I have to listen to the same groans and moans from students who have managed to drag themselves out of bed after a heavy night on the lash in order to attend just one lecture in the afternoon. If I hear another posh twat say “I was just sooooooooo pissed last night…. ” I think I’ll stab them in the face!
They think they are ‘green’. I routinely have to go round the lab, where I work, after the students have left, clearing plastic sandwich wrappers, cans, bottles and carrier bags from the benches. Some of the laziest and scuzziest students, I’ve observed, tend to be female, they like to wear a range of ‘natural’ textiles, have a hippy style shoulder bag that may have a few ‘green’ related badges pinned to it and often appear to need a shave and a good wash. That’s not to say there aren’t any male equivalents. There are plenty.
They don’t pay attention even when they do turn up. Many students appear to attend lectures in order to get a tick in the register and not to actually learn anything about the topics that are being covered. They would rather be telling their mates about how pissed they managed to get the night before.
They are so incredibly boring. I’ve been around these bloated half-wits for many years now and I can confirm that student conversations make the house-mates on big brother look like intellectuals.
So these are just some of the reasons why I hate students. These are my own personal views and not those of my fellow Amateur Brain Surgery club members (I was told to say that…)
Luckily my student days were at a time when Bamber Gascoigne presented University Challenge and nearly all female students were actually attractive and shagable. Unlike the modern-day overweight munters who make up the female student population. No wonder there is so much boozing, you’d need to be well-bladdered in order to shag any of them…
